Peter: “I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob.” —Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space. “I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.”. — Clarence Darrow. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”. — Oscar Wilde.Answer: C-P- arrrrrrr. 2. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school? Answer: Captain Hook-y! 3. What does a pirate name his dog? Answer: The Plank. That's why he's always walking The Plank.Dec 16, 2023 · Hope you have a remember-forever-and-ever-and-ever-and-ever kind of holiday. Wishing you the gifts of the season — Peace, Joy, and Cabernet Sauvignon. But first, let me take an elfie. Christmas comes but once a year, but when it comes, it’d better bring good beer. Aug 20, 2023 - Explore Ingrid Robinson's board "adult sayings" on Pinterest. See more ideas about sayings, funny quotes, quotes.Short funny Halloween quotes. “I ate John. I wept the entire meal. 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Are the products on Etsy handmade?Another example of a funny disclaimer is a giant sign with a picture of a hot dog in an aisle at Ikea, with a warning in the corner that this is not the actual size. It is funny, b...Nov 30, 2023 · “Keep calm and carry a wand.” — A.W. Jantha, “Hocus Pocus & The All New Sequel” “The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last.” — Willy Wonka, “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” “Why do they call... Apr 13, 2016 · 12. Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow. 13. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.14. When nothing is going right, go left.15. If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need. 16. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.17. Nov 1, 2023 ... 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Merry Christmas!I would cut his head clean off.”. “You just need to find a woman who is pathetic, like you.”. “Do not ever call me a thesaurus.”. “I, Too, Am Extraordinarily Humble.”. “Tell him about the dance-off to save the Universe.”. “There are two types of beings in the universe: Those who dance and those who do not.”.Aug 18, 2019 · 20 Quotes About Adulthood Perfectly Describe What 'Becoming An Adult' Actually Means Becoming a grown up isn't as great as they say it's going to be. By Jesse Oakley — Written on Aug 18, 2019 Funny Quotes. facebook; twitter; googleplus; Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twain. Inspirational, Life, Hilarious. 2547 Copy quote. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.37 Funny Christmas Quotes To Ease The Holiday Hustle. 'Tis the season to stress out! The tree is the centerpiece of Christmas and the cause of numerous discussions each year—real or fake, 6 ft. or 8 ft., Blue Spruce or Fraser Fir, cut down or off the lot. We should remember the words of Larry Wilde when deciding on the tree, "Never worry ...Funny sarcastic t shirts, funny shirt sayings, adult humor shirt, funny sayings shirt, inappropriate shirt, offensive shirt, rude shirts (272) $ 19.09 Winston Spear. Getty Images. “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.”. Leah Hall. Leah Hall is currently a digital producer and writer for Country Living. She is based in Huntsville, Alabama. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. These funny Christmas quotes will give you a belly full of laughs ...7. Old age makes us great multitaskers. Why, I can sneeze and pee at the same time! 8. 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Abraham Lincoln If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? Abraham Lincoln From the best clean jokes for adults to funny clean jokes of the day, this big SFW list has something hilarious for everyone: kids, teens, seniors and co-workers.If you ever wondered what kind of funny catchphrases you could use in a conversation with your friends, the options are limitless. Here on this list, gathered today …Celebrate March 31 with these cute Easter puns and funny jokes about bunnies, chicks and eggs that will make kids and adults "hoppy" this holiday. Search. ...Funny Christmas Wishes. Christmas is truly full of wonders. It makes all of my savings disappear! That is the Christmas magic; Merry Christmas! May your smiles match the size of your Christmas credit card bill! Wishing you good luck and heaps of fun. Merry Christmas!Oct 9, 2020 · Here are 40 Funny & Inspirational Quotes on Adulting. “You try all your life to be an adult, but something deep down inside you will always be that child.”. ― Viv Albertine. “I squinted at her. “You’re an adult.” “You’re an adult too.” “But you’re an older adult. You’ve had more practice.”. 95 Funny Memes Dirty With Images And Dirty Jokes. Funny memes dirty with images and dirty jokes. Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. Some of those are dirty jokes and memes that are (never appropriate but) always funny. No matter the setting, be bold enough to deliver a punchline these 100 laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes.A fish swam into a concrete wall, Dam! Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic. The guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda was lucky it was a soft drink. The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.4. “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” —Will Rogers. 5. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” —Dalai Lama. 2. Funny Quotes About Life. Life throws a lot at you.Apr 10, 2023 · 7. Old age makes us great multitaskers. Why, I can sneeze and pee at the same time! 8. One benefit of old age is that your secrets are always safe with your friends … because they can’t ... Prev Previous 57 Funny Monday Quotes – To Kickstart Your Week. Next 57 Cool Latin Quotes About Death Next. 141 Funny Wednesday Quotes To Get You Through Hump Day. January 16, 2023 141 Hilarious Wednesday Quotes. We’ve put together 141 funny Wednesday quotes to ensure you have a wonderful Wednesday and kick on to …Catch up on some of our most shared content in this week's roundup. Trusted by business builders worldwide, the HubSpot Blogs are your number-one source for education and inspirati...Funny Sayings E. B. White. Never have more children than you have car windows. I drink to make other people more interesting. One... J.R. Ewing, Dallas. A fool and his money never should have got together in the first place. If you think education is... H. …Mar 7, 2023 · If you like these, you can also check out our list of Short Funny Quotes. “Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter. Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Christmas.”. — Jack Handy. “Easter: Hide & Seek with eggs.”. — Melanie White. “My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.”. — Amy Sedaris. Jul 25, 2022 · If you’re unsure how to begin, let us show you some examples of limericks. These funny short poems, with their bouncy rhythm and absurd themes, may even get you chuckling! #1. An elderly man called Keith, Mislaid his set of false teeth. They'd been laid on a chair, He'd forgot they were there, Sat down, and was bitten beneath. 1. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.” 2. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally …In today’s digital age, sending eCards has become a popular way to express emotions and celebrate special occasions. And what better way to bring a smile to someone’s face than wit...Death is hereditary. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Everybody …Dec 14, 2023 · No, love is hiding who you really are at all times, even when you're sleeping. Love is wearing makeup to bed and going downstairs to the Burger King to poop, and hiding alcohol in perfume bottles ... Apr 5, 2023 · 100 Funny Quotes About Adulthood. “Being an adult is like being a cactus, we may look tough but we’re just as delicate on the inside.”. “Adulting is like being in a never-ending game of whack-a-mole. Every time you conquer a task, another one pops up.”. “Adulting is just like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the ... 5. The tide wouldn’t take that fella out. One of many funny short Irish sayings that makes a jab at someones appearance is this one! For example: “The state of your man – the tide wouldn’t even take him out!”. 6. You’ve a …In today’s fast-paced world, it’s important to take a break and have a good laugh. And what better way to do that than by watching funny videos? Whether you’re in need of a pick-me...Jan 25, 2024 ... Prepare for a laughter-filled journey with these hilarious quotes that promise to tickle your funny bone! From witty one-liners to clever ...Check out our funny sayings shirt for men selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our graphic tees shops. ... Meme Unisex Men Women Ladies Adult Sayings Gun Frog Cowboy (17) Sale Price $9.60 $ 9.60 $ 12.00 Original Price $12.00 (20% off) Sale ends in 55 minutesFortune says you need to give a donation. Give it to the chef. Cookie said: “You really crack me up.”. Give a person fish, he eats for a day. Teach a person to fish, he always smells funny. If you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out …Funny sarcastic t shirts, funny shirt sayings, adult humor shirt, funny sayings shirt, inappropriate shirt, offensive shirt, rude shirts (272) $ 19.09. Add to Favorites Made In Vachina Onesie, Funny Baby Onesies, Baby Shower Gift, Newborn Gift, Feminist Gift, Feminist Shirt, Shirts With Sayings (534) Sale Price ...Funny One-Liners. 1. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. 2. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. 3. I failed math so many times at school ...Inspiring Funny Quotes. Here are a few inspiring funny quotes. “Bad decisions make good stories.”. — Ellis Vidler. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”. — Andy Rooney. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.”. — Terry Pratchett. “See the world like a big wardrobe.Albert Einstein. “You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.”. George Bernard Shaw. “Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.”. David Bowie. “As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it.”. Margaret Deland.Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!”. — Dr. Seuss. 23. “It is better to know how to learn than to know.”. — Dr. Seuss. 24. “We are all a little weird and life’s a little ...Check out our funny sayings hats selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our baseball & trucker caps shops. ... Richardson 112 Osha Violator Funny Hats for Adults with Sayings (152) Sale Price $33.71 $ 33.71 $ 44.95 Original Price $44.95 (25% off ...Short funny Christmas quotes. “At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.”. — Robert Godden. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city ...For Christmas, I was going to get you a sweater, but I figured our dog’s love would keep you warmer. Merry Christmas! I love you more than Santa loves cookies and milk. This Christmas, I promise not to judge your cookie-eating skills. May your Christmas be merry and your football team win.Apr 10, 2023 · Jul 11, 2021. Free Printable - Every day, think as you wake up: Today I am fortunate to be alive. I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it. - Coloring Page. Jul 6, 2021. Free Printable - The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Coloring Page. Fortune says you need to give a donation. Give it to the chef. Cookie said: “You really crack me up.”. Give a person fish, he eats for a day. Teach a person to fish, he always smells funny. If you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out …I’m so egg-cited and I just can’t hide it. You’re just some-bunny that I used to know. I whip my hare back and forth. I wanna dance with some-bunny. We found eggs in a hopeless place. All ...37 Best Pirate Puns & Adult Jokes One Liners So Funny You’ll LOL. These are the best pirate puns you’ll find. LOL with ’em now or regret missing ’em because nothing beats humor. These adult pirate jokes are filled with wit and good humor. Some of them are rude and some of them can be considered somewhat dirty. But none of them are ...100 Funniest Roses are Red, Violets are Blue Poems. Roses are brown, Violets are brown, I really wish my neighbor would stop letting his dog poo on my lawn. Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not bloody blue. Roses are red, violets are blue, white wine costs less than a dinner for two. Roses are red, but violets aren’t ...When you stop believing in Santa is when you start getting underwear! You have such a pretty face, you should be on a Christmas card! — Elf. Time to get your “It’s just what I wanted” face on! You’re the reason Santa even has a naughty list. Well, I guess I could use a little… social interaction. — Grinch.These funny puns and one-liners about food, animals and love are sure to deliver all the laughs to kids, adults and anyone else who appreciates punny jokes.Feb 24, 2020 · Lucie Turkel Updated: Aug. 25, 2023 Caught in an uncomfortable, annoying or downright boring situation? Never fear: Funny sayings are here to help you laugh your way out of anything. RD.com,... In today’s digital age, funny videos have become a popular form of entertainment that brings laughter and joy to millions of people around the world. From viral cat videos to hilar...Funny sayings about turning 60 can be found on various websites, such as JokeQuote and 60th Birthday Wishes. A good example is a quote by Pablo Picasso, who declared, “One starts t...See full list on womansday.com . 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